Description:

The group’s discussion culminates in final thoughts on conforming to society’s expectations, differing personality types, perception, and an excerpt from GraYce.

Transcript:

[00:00] Um, I don't know.

[00:03] I think with that, I honestly, I don't know where my perception comes from, honestly, because everyone in my family who's been like, we're basically all girls. Every single one of us is all girls. And we all kind of stay together, because I think traditionally Hispanics usually stay in the same community, same house. But for us, it was like once they got married, they moved out. So it's kind of like a man had to lead that. And for me, I'm like, I feel like I've kind of almost taken them. Sorry.

[00:33] I kind of stepped a little too far away. And for me, I've kind of realized I don't really identify with that. Like I want to be able to do things on my own. But that's the only thing I've ever seen. You know, I don't know where that perception comes from. I don't really know at all. I don't know. Maybe it's like the media as well, because one of my favorite shows is like Once Upon a Time. I don't know if you guys, I could literally talk about that forever. We could break the entire thing down and I would love it.

[01:03] I think Emma, I think that character, I just really loved her. So maybe that's where that empowerment comes from. I have no idea. But I think that's just really interesting because of the ways you grow up, but then sometimes you can either really identify with it or just completely be far left field.

[01:20] Yeah, it makes me wonder if it's like the things I like read and like watch. That makes you have that different perspective. I have no idea. Yeah, I don't know. There's also thinking about it, but then there's also taking action about it, which we see again Grayce is having all these thoughts about misogyny and about the way that like men represent basically everything in the world around us. Yeah, and yet she's still not, she's like why am I just standing here? Why am I following

[01:50] the sign and she's...

[01:54] Yeah, she needs to turn her thoughts into action as she's going to get out of her head and also deal with the real life issues. You bring up a really fair point because I wonder as well, like people who follow these traditional things in our society, is it because they recognize that it's wrong but it's kind of one of those like, it's fine. Just kind of like, I'm not gonna think about it anymore, I'm just gonna follow this. If it ain’t broke, don't fix it. Yeah, exactly. Or like people, it's hard to think about complex issues

[02:24] in our society as an individual because like what can I do about that exactly and how do you change that so you brought up a really good point about action yeah that was really good it's like you may know like in the chapter like she says herself like I'm aware that I'm conforming she's like yeah I still conform. So oh that's a really really good point it's interesting yeah like how do we stop conforming? What action

[02:54] changes things. I don't know. And also identifying what's like, what to not conform to, because I mean in this case it was a walk sign. So in this case maybe for like safety, but besides that you know what I mean? Well we also see it, she's talking about conforming in the way she dresses, in the way she presents herself, in the way that she talks to other people. Yeah, so I think, god I lost my train of thought.

[03:24] I would say that I think a big part of her anxiety stems from her need to conform to these things. It's almost obsessive compulsive. Like it does ease your mind to fit in. I think everyone experiences that to some extent. Feeling like you belong and you're doing things the right way does make you feel good. But at what cost in that case.

[03:54] No, I mean, I think I think you really like hit it on the nose with the whole action thing. Yes I think that's yeah, because it's kind of like, again, even like different stuff today and in the book. It's like you notice it, but am I willing to say anything about it? For fear of not being accepted for fear of being exiled for fear of like things becoming worse. And then it's also interesting as well to think okay if I have a different perception of somebody else I have a different thought, a different opinion

[04:24] that’s going to cost my livelihood. That's another thing that is like not okay. It's much more high stakes. Yeah. Yeah. So no, I feel like in a sense all the stuff that she brings up like where misogyny is in her life and where it's basically it's everywhere. It's all around us because it formed us into who we are today. And so I feel like in some ways it feels like small, menial, almost silly things to be

[04:54] worried about, like am I conforming? Am I not? Does it even matter? You're just getting dressed. But at the same time, it all plays into the larger, greater picture of everything that's going on around you. So you start to question, where do I break things off? Yes. And I guess that'll lead me to my final question, which is, do you think that's going to change for her? Do you think her mind is going to shift from where she is now, those little things, but bigger picture?

[05:24] Or do you want that for her to spur into action? Of course, yeah. I think hopefully she is able to embrace femininity and all the stuff that she is dealing with, and then view that in a positive way, as well as, I'm assuming, learning more about that relationship with Olli,

[05:54] and developing those friendships and understanding that there are ways out.

[06:00] I think in order for her to like, not like, necessarily fix it, but to grow, it's gonna have to be with finding the right outlet and finding the right community. I think those two things kind of go hand in hand in order to like, for self growth. That or maybe even like a medium, like you were saying, just not like in her head, and whether that be through writing, journaling, music, shows, like you know, there's stuff, different stuff to relate to and resonate with if you can't find that community right away.

[06:30] Obviously, I really do hope that for her. Again, it's not an easy thing for anybody to go through. Yeah. It's early on, but I want her to be okay. I know, it's only the first chapter. First the chapter, I'm like, girl. Girl, you got this. Let's skip right to the end. Let's skip it. I'll give her a hug. Yeah, definitely, I agree. And also, I want her to be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do that makes her happy. Not because she thinks this will please other people,

[07:00] or not because it will help with this idea or image or thing like that, but genuinely because she wants to do it. And whatever it is, whether it's how she dresses or the things that she wants to do, whatever it is, just I want her to reach a point where she's like, this is because I want to do this. Yeah. I think we all hope that for everyone, like ourselves even. That's a very good point. So if y'all can remember a specific quote that really either resonated with you,

[07:30] You can pull out the notes, feel free. I've got mine right here. That resonated with you or that you just really liked the sound of it. Feel free to share. Yeah, no, so the section where she's talking about the tattoo and talking about the cervical vertebrae being the stability and strength that gives you a, essentially the ability to hold your head high and that connected

[08:00] with me, it's kind of disconnected from the rest of my thoughts on the book, but connects with me because of my cervical spinal injury that I have. Yeah, you definitely, like, you need that stability and you need that strength. And it's not just, like, the physical issue, it's that it manifests in, you know, not feeling as strong in yourself when you're dealing with that kind of issue. And so it does affect how you

[08:30] present yourself and how you feel going about in the world and how you process thoughts about yourself When you're not able to literally and metaphorically hold your head high and so I think that Manifests and some of her other anxiety Definitely that's when I had to like Google I was like C1 ring like I just like if you're if you've never experienced that you'd have we guess you wouldn't know I'm I didn't.

[09:00] It was really interesting to learn that. I don't know, I don't think about that part being so fragile, but it's so important. Mm-hmm. Well, it's also like all your nerves and stuff run through there. So it's your sensations too. And so literally how you experience the world, you need that strength and stability. Yeah, that was a good one.

[09:23] So my thing that kind of had at the beginning was whenever they're hiking and they yelled out, hey we're a little lost, can you can you point us back up to the main path? And then she's thinking to herself, I've never quite managed to stay on it by myself, but yet she still gave them an answer. I feel like that kind of came back around at the end to like Olli where it's kind of like a nice little parallel where kind of Olli was the Grayce in that situation with the hikers, you know?

[09:53] And I think also in her head, just going back to the hikers, in her head she was like, I never really know my way around here, whatever, but she was still a resource. She still knew it, you know? She didn't think about it herself. She didn't trust in herself. But these hikers just trusted her by just being, like the way that she looked, whatever, you know, they trusted that she knew what she was doing. They trusted that she knew the path, whatever. And that's like one piece of it. And the other piece is like, there's all of this beautiful wilderness. Why are you only staying on like the path

[10:23] that’s designated for you and I wonder if maybe that'll kind of come back around maybe in her life of like okay this is like this linear path I'm gonna go down but maybe she's like not happy with that so maybe she's gonna like segue off somewhere else you know so like a couple of things that one I just found really interesting because I feel like it was a nice little parallel back to how she was in that conversation with Olli so yeah. No that in that again goes back to perception they saw her they were like yeah this girl knows exactly what she's doing. I trust her.

[10:53] Yeah, trustworthy and confident. If only she saw herself that way. You know? I'm sorry. I like this one. This was where she was describing herself. I think I like this because that was a little funny and I was like, real? But she was like, honor student, elite athlete, and former pageant queen with a penchant for dramatic storytelling and people. I love them and well, I hate them. And I was like, honestly?

[11:22] Real, real. Sometimes I feel that way too. It's like, some days I'm like so ready to be around people and learn new things. And then some days I'm like, so I've had enough human interaction. I was like, kind of real. Oh, that's so real. Sometimes I think about like, I see these memes that are like, aw people are so cute. Or just like people doing normal things. Like we're animals or something. Humans are so adorable when they do XYZ.

[11:52] I'm like, I love people in that sense, but sometimes I really hate people. So that is very real. Very journalist coded.

[12:02] Oh, so much so. Yeah, I kind of have like a opposing thing. Oh, yeah. For me, I've noticed that I'm like the saddest when I'm away from people. Yeah. So like if I don't hear from somebody, if I don't whatever, and I constantly feel like I'm the one having to reach out, I always literally get so sad. So like even even like in the mornings, like going into my mentor class, it's like at 8 a.m. And I'm like, oh, my God. But as soon as I walk in there, I'm just like rejuvenated with energy

[12:32] Just like being with people really just brings up my mood. So I just, I'm a huge people person. Do you think you describe yourself as more extroverted? I have actually in the past week, literally three people have been like, you're just so extroverted. Like that's why I got put like the leader of my group for like this project. They were like, yeah, it's giving president. So we're gonna put you there. Madame president. I know. So I was like, okay, I guess I'll do that. So I mean, I guess. Do you see yourself as extroverted? I feel like, oh yeah. I feel like I have to because I don't really enjoy

[13:02] just like being cooped up like alone and that's how I kind of perceive introverts is kind of preferring being alone. I really enjoy being with people. I really enjoy like exploring and I also want because this podcast came at a very interesting time because Transferring in to UT obviously like imposter syndrome. I couldn't find my place whatever right and then Like this like last spring I got like rejected from this org and I was so sad

[13:32] I was literally so sad and I kind of went on this whole like kind of like self growth thing to where I was like you know what this is actually so funny do you guys know the singer Nick Jonas? No, I've never heard of him. He must be super underground. Yeah he is, he's like my favorite little indie artist. But he has this song and he says there are harder things to be than all alone and I was like you know what he ate. Then after that, like anytime I'm like really sad because I couldn't like I was having a hard time making

[14:02] like a community, I was having a hard time like building relationships because everyone was like finding their own like groups and things and stuff and I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. And then he had said like, there are harder things to be than all alone. And I was like, you're so right. And since then I'm like, I'm like exploring Austin. Have me, it's like me a little like bus pass against the world and like all of these things like that. So I feel like, and now I'm getting the, oh, you're so extroverted. Oh, you're so confident. Oh, you're so whatever, like all of these things. So I think it's kind of interesting

[14:32] how maybe that might tie back into the book or maybe that's how kind of like I'm feeling with her and so this really came at a really interesting time for sure Because I'm I wonder if like maybe she's gonna go kind of through that same mantra that like I went through or how maybe she's Kind of gonna find herself and what she likes or what she doesn't like because that's how it was for me Especially and now I think I feel like more sure of myself in a way obviously doubts come and go But yeah, so

[15:02] I wonder. It's really interesting to hear your perspective. Like that's a really cool, because it's a different experience than mine. Like me, I see the difference between introvert and extrovert as like extroverts get their energy from being around people and introverts get their energy from being by themselves. So I definitely like, I would identify myself as an introvert. I feel like refreshed after like my alone time, but I do love being around people and like having a community. So I agree.

[15:32] I agree, I describe myself as extremely introverted. I’m extremely introverted. I do agree. That's how I see it as well as the energy exchange and sometimes the longer I'm around people my energy just gets and I'm like okay I do need to go take that time and like recharge and so I do find myself getting a lot more

[16:02] energy from being alone and being with myself. But yeah, I mean everybody's different. I think it definitely changed specifically for me my first year of college because the liberal arts, boo, first year of college was awful. That's why I transferred you guys. But I remember like, I think then like in high school I would have described myself as more extroverted because then I did really got a get a lot

[16:32] of recharging myself around other people. And then just after the first year of college and being with some not so great people, I was like, so alone time is awesome. And so it's different for everybody. Definitely different for everybody. Definitely somewhere in the middle. I don't really know.

[16:50] I can spend so much time alone by myself and be perfectly happy and just getting stuff done and living my life, but I also love being around people and going and doing things with them and so, I don't know, I'm very in the middle. I feel like I could swing either way. Did y'all ever take that Myers-Briggs test? Yes!

[17:20] I think everytime I took it I got introverted, as like my first one. I was like, I knew who I was a long time ago. Mine changed. I used to be more extroverted and now I'm more introverted. Also similar first year situation. I had a good first year, but roommate. That'll do it. Crazy. So that really changed the way I spent my time and the way I felt about people too. Because when you live with someone for that long and they're kind of messing with your head.

[17:50] It's like, it really changes you for a year. No, definitely. And was that like a situation where you're like sharing the same room? Mm-hmm. Oh. Yep. Ooh, I did that for one semester. I think I lucked out though. Sharing a room, it's not for the faint of heart. Cannot do it, but yeah.

[18:12] I think... I think it's basically time to wrap up, which is crazy, I know. The end of the first one, I'm so excited! So, speak now or forever hold your mouth. Kidding, we'll be back. We'll be back.

[18:27] The belt of Venus unbuckles her sunset over the Fenimore. Chalky pink pigments pull her belt through Earth's loops, blushing into magentas across the sky. Reflective layers of atmosphere leak lavender into a spectacular display of an ombre horizon. Her back scatters spotlights, the buildings outline of worldly worn bricks. Poor sprick holes come to life, millions of apparition eyes waiting to tell their stories. The Fenimore is a local favorite because there are no doors apparent for entry. A brain bender for first timers, the only way in

[18:57] is to go straight down where dead people are rising.