Description:

The book club discusses the intermingling of anxieties and the friendship between Olli and Grayce, and how our perspective of others can stem from our own insecurities.

Transcript:

[00:00] So back to perception, kind of, I'll bring around our separate topic, which is like, anxiety is also a big thing with Grayce. And there's this one quote that really struck me, not necessarily that I resonated with it, but it's like, oh, you have to step outside yourself sometimes. And it's important to see other people's perspectives. And that line was like, anyone who says anxiety

[00:30] isn’t a fashion statement has never had to wear its disguise in public. Just like, yeah, I wouldn't think I, I'm definitely not an anxious person. Like I'm not diagnosed with anxiety, but we all have our moments. It's like, okay, this is, you know, you overthink about a certain situation or where you are. And I think we've all experienced that to some extent, but with Grayce, it's a little bit, it's definitely heightened, or at least in her head, how she thinks of herself. So have y'all did that?

[01:00] Did that quote resonate with y'all in that same way or was it like... That quote and also like definitely a few of the other like ways that she described anxiety and processing through her thoughts. Like it's like opening a door and there's just more and more doors and you keep hearing something behind the door and you want to open it and see what's inside and keep looking at what's inside and going through it and processing and trying to understand but you have to close the door because it's not going to stop.

[01:30] But I definitely feel that way sometimes. Like the, not necessarily like too anxious of a person, but it's like some OCD, like obsessive compulsive thoughts that you just keep going through them and it keeps going. That is, yeah. It's hard. It really is. And that's who Grayce is. So it's interesting to be inside her mind in this. I wonder how different this chapter would be

[02:00] had it been like a third person perspective. I always think about that when I'm reading. I do love first person though, that is my favorite. But you also have to think about what is reality here for these people? Well, because especially too with things like anxiety and even just being anxious, everything like that, it all presents itself from people differently. Some people they could be like shaking their leg and it could be like fiddling with the jewelry, pulling their hair, and others will be just like completely still.

[02:30] or like, yeah, hyper-focused on one thing, you know? So it's kind of, because she said anxiety’s like a fashion statement, and you know? So it presents itself in different ways, and I think it's kind of interesting to think, okay, this is what she's going through, but how, again, like that third person, how is she looking? You know what I mean? When people look at her, are they thinking anxiety, or are they also thinking again? Because she's like... Are they thinking Olli? Yeah, they're thinking Olli. Who is this woman? I'm like, wow, she's got a figure.

[02:59] figured out. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a compliment though. Like if you've ever gotten that like, wow, you look so put together, you've got everything. Like me? I don't have it figured out. Yeah, when people say that, I'm always like, oh, no, that's very relatable. No, but anxiety is,

[03:22] it is a huge part of Grayce's character and as a result like you'll I think several times in the chapter there were like little paragraphs of just like her inner monologue where she was going on and it was very like self-deprecating Just like one liner after one liner like girl calm down and I didn't write them down but those were like I feel like I've had those moments where I'm like, okay wow, you need to stop thinking like that and just chill

[03:52] out. But it's hard. It is hard. And so you talked about like everyone has like their own anxiety presents in a way in everyone differently, but I think we're also the same in that like we deal with it in different ways. And for me, like if I'm feeling like anxious or I have like a deadline like in two hours, I'm gonna deep clean my house. I'm gonna turn into a clean-tok lady, you know. That's

[04:22] how I like center myself, which is actually a good thing, but it's how I procrastinate. Could be good, it could be bad. Like. Me yesterday. What? I said me yesterday. You were cleaning? Intensely. Your apartment? Yeah. Wait, do you, oh my goodness, you have a dog, so that can be. She's special. She's special, yeah, as they are, as our pets are. But like, do y'all have any like,

[04:52] methods like if you're ever out in public or on your own to like deal with oh my gosh I think most of my anxiety manifests from like not doing enough like a little bit or maybe like scheduling but like I know I have it done like I use Google Calendar I do all these things ahead of time but somehow I can't shake it sometimes and then I like do this thing where I'll get like pissed off at somebody else because they're complaining but I didn't tell anybody

[05:22] What's going on with me. You know what I mean? I didn't tell anybody that I have all this going on and tell them that I have like these deadlines in me. I didn't tell them that my partner was like late, so now I'm like running two minutes behind schedule or 20 minutes behind schedule. And then it's like, oh my day was so hard. I'm like, your day was hard? You know, so I think now that we're talking about this, maybe that's something I should work on. Because I don't think I tell, I don't tell anybody and then I'm just like super anxious inside and then one person like says the wrong thing. I’m like, are you serious?

[05:52] Like, are you kidding me? Yeah. No, I'm so bad about that. I'm not a complainer at all. Okay, you've all heard me complain. I've said that, but you all have. It's true. But I usually, depending on who I'm with, I'll keep that to myself. But then other people have no reservations about saying what they're thinking and how they're feeling. And I'm like, huh, I get a little butt hurt about that sometimes. I'm like, oh, okay.

[06:22] like your life is so hard oh my gosh you're perfect and like that's my fault for feeling that way because i i should share how i'm feeling about stuff and then we can all just complain together yeah that's true one big angry complaining family but i feel like that's also kind of like an issue i know it is because like depending on who you're with because some people will just like if you're complaining we'll just like

[06:51] that I hate, rather than allowing you to process that and let them have their moment and be that reassurance to be like, okay, well, in retrospect, X, Y, Z, rather than like, oh yeah, I do not envy you, that really sucks. It's like, how do you be a good friend in those scenarios? I wanna feel like I'm supporting people. Yeah, 100%. And that they're supporting you too. Because that's another thing you have to watch out, is that some people will just put it all on you and then won't let you have your breather and just like skedaddle off.

[07:21] I've actually witnessed friendships end over that, like exact dynamic, which I think it's kind of rare for it to manifest that badly, but it does, which is scary. So if you think about Grayce and Olli, do you think they manifest those characteristics? Do we have a complainer on our hands? It's too early to judge, really, but I don't want to see... Olli seems like a really special character, even just from Grayce's eyes.

[07:51] I just don’t want to see any character fall onto that best friend sidekick stereotype, so I think that'll be interesting moving forward. What you were just saying about breaking up friendships over one person who's kind of containing it all inside and another person who is not...

[08:14] I lost my train of thought. But no, referring to someone being an Olli and someone being a Grayce, being that Olli at one point and having a Grayce who was super anxious and not confident at all and kind of having to direct every social situation and every time we hung out. And eventually, it just broke down because they're too anxious. And they're depending on me and telling me, I want to be with you wherever you

[08:44] go because you're the best and it's like I can't create your life for you and so it just hasn't worked. Yeah speaking on that same that's kind of almost verbatim how that situation was it's like you it's good to rely on your friends that's why they're there but like you they're not gonna like breathe for you if that makes sense and you can't treat them like that they're not your therapist you know like there's a line for everything but it's all about setting boundaries

[09:14] with your friends and creating a space that works for both of you. And when that doesn't work, it just doesn't work and it's sad. But you have to be mindful. But yeah, I don't know. Let's see. See how it goes. As we're talking about, like, back with how we manage with our anxiety, definitely, like, I'm a writer, I'm a journalist. I process basically everything through written words. So if I...

[09:43] Journaling is definitely helpful for all those thoughts that like you cannot organize them in your mind and they just keep going on and on. You sit down and you write and somehow they all flow out and then it's there, it's on the page and it's concrete and you have something to look at and parse through and understand. And so that's definitely how I work through it, but if I don't like have the time to sit down and journal or if I don't do it for a long time, I feel like my brain is a mess.

[10:13] And I feel like also just as a woman, I'm not sure, maybe men too, but talking about, like not talking about our anxieties or not wanting to complain or cause an issue, whereas like everyone else in your family has the free right to complain at will any moment and it

[10:40] boils the frustration because you're just like, I ain't complaining.

[10:45] And I think also with complaining comes like that bit of comparison of like, oh, well this really sucks, I'm upset about this, but it's not as bad as this. You know? And that can be really, really dangerous because that's like saying, I can't be happy because somebody else is happier. I can't feel satisfied because somebody else is doing better, like, you know? So I feel like that's also just an interesting topic at least because I really just feel like it goes back to just finding people who understand and finding people who are willing to look at it from a perspective and

[11:15] let you talk be an active listener and help you process it not necessarily having the answers just allowing you to process it and I think that we just don't know how to communicate And I think also like 2020 and COVID and being away from people we lost a lot of like social cues when we're talking to each other we're letting up we're letting off like pheromones and like we're catching like energies and like things, you know and there's like social cues and we don't get that over the phone and it was like at least one to two some people are still online virtual now who aren't getting that

[11:45] And I wonder if maybe that also has something to do with that lack of communication or maybe it was just never had. But you know, so yeah, all I have to say is that it matters. It matters. Yeah, communication matters. And thank goodness. No, the pandemic definitely made my relationships with those Grayce type people difficult because then they were a lot worse and they did not, the communication just broke down and they couldn't handle

[12:15] real life anymore. Yeah. Yeah, real life felt very different over COVID era. But you talked about comparison a little bit, which is like, I don't remember specifically in the chapter if she does it like concretely. There's a lot of, it seems like in her mind she compares herself to Olli a little bit. That's interesting, like how we compare it. But you meant in the way that

[12:45] So if you're... If you're... Somehow doing worse. Comparing worse and worse, it's like, that is a terrible game to play. But I think we've all done it before. I've definitely done it before. It's weird. I don't know why our minds go that direction. But every situation and feeling is valid in that.