Description:

McKenzie, Eden, Alex, and Ashley explore their own lives through a line from GraYce, “Anyone who says anxiety isn’t a fashion statement has never had to wear its disguise in public.”

Transcript:

[00:00] Hey guys, welcome to the podcast. So excited to be here. So excited. This is the Chai with Venus podcast and I just want everyone to think of this as like virtual book club. We're here to just yap. I'm McKenzie and then I'll actually let you introduce yourselves because I want everyone to hear you. Okay, I'm Alexis.

[00:23] I'm Eden. And I'm Ashley. Ooh, gang's all here. Gang is all here. So today we're really just going to focus on getting acquainted with Chapter One and with the character Grayce, because she's very important to the story, and I think it'll be fun to look at. You know, we don't know her very well yet, but I think it's fun to kind of predict where she might go and what she might do. What drew me to this project in the podcast

[00:53] personally was just you know the idea of talking to each other again. I think it's important to have those difficult conversations and open up a space for everyone to be heard. Just talk to each other. So that's why we're here and I hope everyone gets something out of this and gets to share their experiences and where they come from. So I guess we'll just start with Grayce

[01:23] because she's the star of the show right now. And in chapter one, you're very much inside her head, which is cool. You see the world from her eyes and as you read the chapters, I want you to kind of think about how she might be an unreliable narrator because it's fun to catch that in characters and I think she might be a little bit. So I want to hear your first impressions of her. For that, mine are, you know, she's very... She has her ups and downs like in her own

[01:53] mind. She's very anxious. She has a lot of like self-doubt. She doesn't carry herself on the outside of how she feels on the inside, which can be relatable sometimes. But she yeah, she is Chaos Grayce as she calls herself, or as they call her, very much. She's an interesting character, but I want to know what y'all think about her, like from the first chapter. I will say I feel like I definitely have many thoughts. I think even with their nickname of her, it kind

[02:22] of like, maybe this is how other people view me, but do I feel like that's accurate to how I view myself? And I think maybe potentially we could see that kind of manifest in things later, maybe spiral out of control. It's always just starts with a joke, it doesn't mean anything, it's whatever. I feel like I've also like kind of dealt with that too, is like these like nicknames and it's like, actually that did bother me for multiple reasons. And I feel like maybe that might come back to her. And additionally, I'll just also give this other point where she was saying that she tries to look for meaning in things that are seemingly meaningless.

[02:52] And I kind of resonated with that, but I feel like it's also, at least for me, is trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense. Even with her talking about listening to the man at the stop signs, these little depictions, again, that are seemingly meaningless, but could end up being something greater. So that's something that I really resonated with, and I hope, I mean, we'll elaborate more on later. But, could you know her more? Yeah, I totally agree,

[03:22] so much going on in her mind while she's kind of just going through her regular day and for sure reminds me of myself like brain is constantly rambling on about something and you know who knows where it's coming from or why but she's searching for something and everything. No that is so true I think it'll be it'll be interesting to see where that comes from later on like as you get to know her more. Yeah.

[03:51] Yeah, I agree. It was just really interesting to see her trying to follow her, what was going on. And I know she describes herself as a perfectionist too, and how that can kind of play into things as well. Especially when it comes to the way that other people are perceiving you, that can be like a real, that's a hard thing to manage. And so I am very interested in seeing her arc throughout this,

[04:21] especially where we're starting, the perceptions of other people, what they think about her, what she's thinking about herself, and how she makes do with all of that. Yeah, she's very interesting and her sort of best friend in this that's introduced, Olli, she's introduced briefly. She carries herself as very confident and self-assured and Grayce looks at her. I think she kind of puts her on a pedestal in a way. That's interesting. I've had friends like that before, so I don't know. It's always a tricky relationship, but their dynamic is kind of cute.

[04:50] I think, what do y'all think about Olli, like at first? I have a friend like Olli. Yeah. I mean, just taking control of the situation, even with just the cars and stuff, I feel like that was very intentional, and it was just a very brief thing, and I think that we also saw that from, I mean, we did see it from her perspective, but even just imagining that, like this person just coming up and just like, no, you come here. That's very powerful, very confident, taking control of the situation

[05:20] when she's walked through, I mean, what we've seen so far, Grayce has walked through, not knowing control of anything, not knowing anything, having no meaning for anything, just like really rambling and then have one person just very secure, confident. We're seeing that from her perspective, so we kind of get that assumption of Olli as well. And I'll turn, I keep on bringing this back to me, but like I feel like- As you should. I feel like, but I kind of felt like both ends almost, that whenever I talked to some of my friends, like I had to ask them like, oh, what are like three words you used to describe me?

[05:50] And it was the same thing that she was using to describe Olli. It was like confident and like really like rest assured and like all of these like really good things and that's I kind of feel like I resonate more with Grayce. So I feel like for me it was kind of like Olli is how other people perceive me and then Grayce is like how I kind of perceive myself at least at like this moment in time. So I thought that was kind of interesting like back to myself and also kind of where the discussion of like the book is going. I was like this is gonna be really interesting read for me specifically. I was like it feels targeted.

[06:20] Perception is a huge theme throughout, I would say, the whole book, especially this chapter. And yeah, I think I can relate to that. Like, oh, I've never really thought about how people perceive me. But it's good. Like, I don't want to. Ignorance is bliss. But you'd hope you have a friend who thinks of you like Olli. But I mean, like, Grayce does Olli. But is that harmful if you're Olli and you don't feel... Like, if you're... I don't feel confident or self-assured.

[06:50] I don't know. It's interesting. No, I've definitely had friends like Olli. I think it depends kind of the space you are in in life and also the relationship you have with that person because definitely I am the Olli to multiple other people and they like tell me they have these perceptions of me and I'm like, I don't know where that's coming from. And then I've also had other people in my life

[07:20] who've just been like, basically grabbed me, been like, you, me, we're gonna be friends, and grabbed a couple other people and been like, we're all gonna be friends. And they're definitely just very vibrant, very confident, and don't seem to care about people's perceptions. But then after the years, you realize we're kinda all the same. I've also been the Olli in situations. And I think what I'm interested in too,

[07:50] like how does that affect Olli knowing the way how people view her like the do they feel the need to always oppose that image because I know when people come to me and they're like especially like as a dancer since I like to dance people come to me and they're like oh well like you've always been this really confident dancer like I can't ever see you having doubts about yourself but like I'm human like that happens and so I wonder if that ever happens with Olli

[08:20] way that people are like, oh well you're always supposed to be like this and does it ever get to you? Yeah I don't want to be put on a pedestal like definitely. I want people to perceive me as you know confident and self-assured and like aware of my surroundings and like who I am as a person like I know who I am but also there's a line I don't want to I don't want I don't want you to think too much of me. I'm a human we all make mistakes and we're all we're all doing this together.

[08:50] Because what that kind of sounds like too is like, I don't know if you've ever heard like parents be like, oh, well, she's good. I don't have to worry about her. Yeah, I was that kid. Yeah, I was going to say, so like, I feel like it's kind of like that with friends too. It's like, oh no, they got it figured out, so I don't need to check in. Or I don't need to whatever. I don't, you know, and it's like, it fluctuates, you know, you can be multiple things at once. You can still be confident, you can still be self-assured, but you can also still have like basic human emotions. You ate, you ate. No, that's so true. Yeah, you brought up the, this kid's fine.

[09:20] She's okay. She's got it figured out. She doesn't need us. We've got to focus on the other kid who needs us. It's like, oh gosh. I don't think that's how it works, but okay. That's not how that works at all. Well, it's kind of like the book also describes Grayce as being like an overachiever, an athlete, a great student. I think all of us probably relate to that in some sense. We've all, with your dance or with your academics, we all definitely push ourselves.

[09:50] Grayce, with that description, she kind of describes herself as being like a little neurotic I guess, but on face value you could also perceive that to be more like an Olli, a confident, like overachiever, like getting a lot of stuff done. So it really just depends on what headspace you're in. Yeah. Oh. All about perception. It's all about...